Feelings of loneliness are personal, so everyone's experience of loneliness will be different.
You may choose to be alone and live happily without much contact with other people, while others may find this a lonely experience. Or you may have lots of social contact or be in a relationship or part of a family, and still feel lonely – especially if you don't feel understood or cared for by the people around you.
Many of us feel lonely from time to time and these short-term feelings shouldn’t harm our mental health. However, the longer this experience lasts, the more these feelings become deep-rooted. Long-term loneliness brings an increased risk of certain mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, sleep problems and increase stress.
Having a mental health problem can make you more likely to feel lonely: for example, stigma about your condition may make it hard to open up to others about it, or social anxiety may make it difficult to reach out to others. For others, they may experience what is referred to as social phobia – also known as social anxiety – and find it difficult to engage in everyday activities involving other people, which could lead to a lack of meaningful social contact and cause feelings of loneliness.
Loneliness has many different causes, which vary from person to person. We don't always understand what it is about an experience that makes us feel lonely.
For some people, certain life events may mean they feel lonely, such as:
Other people find they feel lonely at certain times of the year, such as around Christmas.
Some research suggests that people who live in certain circumstances, or belong to particular groups, are more vulnerable to loneliness. For example, if you:
Some people experience deep and constant feelings of loneliness that come from within and do not disappear, regardless of their social situation or how many friends they have.
There are many reasons people experience this kind of loneliness. You might feel unable to like yourself or to be liked by others, or you may lack self-confidence.
Loneliness can affect anyone at any time. During the COVID-19 outbreak, spending less time with family and friends has led to more feelings of loneliness than usual for many people especially for those who have been isolating or shielding.
Adapting to changes can come with its challenges too, and it might still feel difficult to connect with family and friends, colleague, or other everyday contacts as we attempt to move forward into the ‘New Normal’ and embrace life after Covid – 19.
It's natural to go through periods of loneliness, and you should not blame yourself for feeling like you are struggling, now or at any other time.
In Therapy we will explore your feelings of loneliness and help you to understand them and develop positive ways of dealing with them. Thinking about what is making you feel lonely and speaking about it openly with a therapist is one way that you may find a new way to be. Exploring the loneliness, through life history, patterns of behaviour and what we see as obstacles to a more fulfilled life can open up avenues that perhaps we never thought possible. Through a humanistic approach to therapy, it is hoped that the therapeutic alliance can broaden our possibilities.
