The relationships in our life and how healthy they are, count a lot for how happy we are. Healthy and happy relationships contribute a long way to a healthy and happy life, just as fractured and unhealthy relationships can count for a fractured and unhealthy life. These relationships are not just romantic but also friendships, family bonds, work relationships, all of which have the potential to make life wonderful and easy or troubled and difficult. Feeling connected or not can affect our self-confidence, our resilience and even our physical health.
Many things can cause stress in a relationship. Big life events, both negative and positive can put stress on a relationship. Some examples are, having child, getting married, buying a house, losing a job, illness, bereavement etc. As well as these big life events, simple everyday stresses can put a strain on relationships, especially where one or both partners are not looking after themselves or are under individual stress, where there is poor communication, or they are stuck in unhealthy patterns of behaviour.
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Good and healthy communication is at the core of a healthy relationship. Where there is bad communication there is the possibility for a whole slew of relationship issues. One of the most easy and simple remedies is to listen. This may sound obvious, but it is surprising how much we do not listen in our day to day lives.
How many times while talking to somebody are we looking at a screen, either a computer or a phone or a tablet etc?
How many times while somebody is talking to us are we thinking about what we will say next instead of listening to what they are actually saying?
How many times have we been thinking of an issue at work or what we have to do instead of paying attention to what somebody is saying to us?
In these examples above we can see where, not being present, can lead to communication issues and misunderstandings. Through developing the skill of active listening, we can learn to be present in our relationships.
Couples can get stuck in repetitive patterns that do not resolve anything, this can take the shape of repeated fights or behaviours. It can lead to a relationship getting stuck and resentment building. It may even lead to the people in the relationship believing that they are not compatible when perhaps all that is needed is for one or both members to realise that they are stuck in a pattern and that if can be recognised then it can be broken.
Sometimes there are hidden issues that can be the source of difficulties. Perhaps one person is worried about money unbeknownst to the other. Perhaps there is a drug dependency issue or health worries that one person is keeping to themselves.
There may also be hidden issues that are hidden from everyone in the relationship, perhaps the impact of childhood trauma is affecting the relationship or even unhealthy communication styles that neither party are aware of.
Identifying some of the above issues is key to identifying and challenging repetitive patterns in relationships.
Through therapy we will examine repetitive patterns, we will look at communication styles, we will take a holistic view of the situation, how is work, how was growing up, how have past relationships been? The aim of the therapy is that together, myself the therapist and you the client, can piece together these unhelpful patterns and look at a way to challenge them.
